Finding "Mr. Right"

2 blogs in one day -- what a treat!

Ok, so finding Mr. Right is becoming one of my life missions, because I'm getting closer to 30, and most people feel like finding their lifelong mate is imperative by this age. I don't feel like it is imperative, but I think it is a realistic goal to find your mate by the time you are 30. Most people in their 20's are about games, living life, and playing the field. I feel like, as we get closer to 30, we realize that life is more than just fun and games, and we start thinking about settling down and finding the one....

So in order to do this, you have to start dating more seriously so that you can find "the one". Now I've been single for 4 1/2 years, and wasted those single 4 1/2 years playing childish games with a grown man, where I cannot fault anybody but myself, but I digress... My point is, I'm ready to be more serious about dating, but have no clue where to start since I've been out of the game for so long. So where do you start?

There are so many past hurts, trust issues, insecurities, and low self-esteem, that have all resulted in me putting up a wall and not being able to progress into something new. How do you get past that? I can set goals for myself in life to achieve other things, but when it comes to the love life department, I'm a complete idiot, and need a guide.

Sometimes I get sucked into comparing past relationships and the ex to the potential new person. When I do this, I find flaws, and withdraw myself from the situation, ultimately making myself miss out on a potential boo. I have no clue how to stop this, except for finding a man that can prove to me that he is not like the rest or the exes.

I've also tried to learn from my mistakes in my past relationships, so that I do not mess up with future ones, but I find myself trying too hard sometimes. I wear my emotions on my sleeve now, and that's truly blocking the boo pieces from finding me and getting with me, which is NOT good!! I am a good catch, I am a good woman, I have a lot of good qualities, BUT, I'm just scared of a GOOD MAN... again I ask, where do they do that at?!?!?

At this point, I think it's going to take a heck of a man, and a lot of me breaking down my walls in order for me to progress and move on to start a new relationship. The healing process of getting over an ex lasts way too long for me, and that is something I have to work on. I've heard from many men that they can look at a woman and tell if she is scorned and what she has been through. Is that true?

Anyways, so since I'm new to the dating world again, I have no clue about doing the right and wrong things... Are women supposed to pay for dates? Are men supposed to still be chivalrous and open doors, pull out seats, etc? Should the man be the one who pursues the woman, or is it okay for the woman to pursue the man without seeming like she's a stalker? I have no clue how any of this works, so until I get some answers or until I find a man that will take the lead, show me that he is interested and become my boo, I guess I will be stuck...

But on the flip side, I have met some guys, who seem genuinely sweet, but have a sneaky motive like getting me into bed or having me get an apartment in my name for them...ya know crazy stuff like that. So those "relationships" crash and burn before they can even really take off because a man always does something to turn me off immediately. If a man is truly interested in a woman then they should put in the work, and it feels like men are too lazy to put in the work these days. I use to blame the fact that I'm a BBW as the reason why I couldn't find a man, but that has nothing to do with it, some men are just lame, and possibly I needed more time to work on myself before opening the door to let someone else enter my life. Whatever the reason might be, something needs to change soon, cuz it's cuffing season, and I'm ready for my boo, but it has to be the RIGHT boo...