Well it's a new year, and of course around this time we all sit back and think about the things that we want to improve and change for the upcoming year, aka Resolutions. I've had a lot of time to reflect on the things that I want to change and improve or get rid of period. I look back at all the stupid things I've done over the past few years, not just in 2010, I see the stupid mistakes I keep repeating, and I'm realizing that a change needs happen so that I don't bring this immaturity and foolishness into 2011. Actions speak louder than words, so that is all that I can focus on, which is showing better than I can tell.
My first plan of action to start the new year was to go to church. I have been through so much and I've made it through thanks to God, so I need to praise God for bringing me into another year. This was my first time in my adult life coming into the new year sober, and in a church, and I have to say it was a great service. I need to up my game, start giving my tithes, start attending church regularly, and try to start living my life better in the spiritual sense...well in all senses, lol... So that is one resolution, to strengthen my relationship with God, I think that will be the best place to start before all of the rest of these resolutions fall into place.
Many people were shocked and amazed when I said I'm not drinking this NYE, I'm not trying to be that party girl and about going out and drinking every weekend this year or in the years to come. Now I'm not shutting the party girl down inside of me completely...I'm just being a more responsible and mature chick, and just going out and indulging in alcohol occasionally. I'm not finding love in the club, I don't really dance at the club, I'm kinda shy so I don't really network in the club, so why am I taking myself to the club?!?!? There are occasions and exceptions to the rule of me drinking and partying, but it most definitely won't be anything like it has been in the past.
This blog is all over the place, so bare with me, because I'm just typing as thoughts come to me...
I am joining the gym with two of my friends to lose weight for the spring/summer and start a healthier diet, which I'm really excited about!! It's great motivation to have workout partners and others who are on the same path as I am, so I'm looking forward to having time out with my girls during the week doing something that is beneficial.
The changes I want to make with this new year are all positive changes. The thing that is different about these resolutions this year, is the fact that I feel like I am now more mentally mature. I'm looking at things in a totally different light, and I'm seeing that my past mistakes are hindering me from moving on or getting what I want. Therefore, I'm taking strides to accomplish things I want.
Ever feel like you are harboring so much hate, or guilt, or hurt that is a result from something in your past? I've been carrying a multitude of emotions because of a past relationship and things I did, and it hasn't gotten me anywhere but a single life for the past 4 years. I want a relationship so bad but yet I haven't been doing a thing to prepare myself for a relationship. To prepare myself I have to get things in order, because what I was prepared to bring to the table was a bunch of BS, versus now where I feel like I am coming into myself full circle, and consider myself to be a good catch. Emotionally and mentally I have been scarred by what my ex did, and that was because I've held onto my ex for the years we dated plus the 4 years we didn't date, and that is just ridiculous. He has moved on...I never did, until NOW...
What is the point of this blog? Good question..I'm just writing and typing all of these emotions and thoughts I have been having for awhile now, that have finally come together. I'll never be perfect, people will still talk about me, people will hate me, and others will love me regardless. The thing I'm loving, is that I am at peace with the past, and ready for the future. I'm no longer crying or playing the victim....I'm excited to strengthen my relationship with God, and I pray that everything will fall into place for me. If it is in God's will, and my determination and will power workout for me, I hope to be better spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
To those who are reading this, I hope that you have an awesome year in 2011..yup I said "awesome." LOL ... I truly hope that this year brings us all of the things that we are hoping and wishing for and that whatever resolutions we make, we keep...and I'll shutup now..lol
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